


Gay Books

by fellasisitgay91219



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz's Parents Suck, Canon Divergence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I’m Not Sorry The Mage Sucks, I’m Sorry They Suck, M/M, Normal AU, Watford, i miss libraries, in carry on simon says baz is a tory so that influenced this, lgbtq books
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fellasisitgay91219/pseuds/fellasisitgay91219
Summary: baz just wants to read about gay peoplesimon thinks he's plottingcw: homophobia and abuse
Relationships: Dev/Niall (Simon Snow), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my third fic!  
> i rlly love gay books (i've read roughly 160) so i wrote baz loving them :)

**simon**

it was a rainy day and simon felt cooped up.

he had woken to a gray room and the sound of rain pounding on their roof. for once, it had been cold enough for him to snuggle under his blankets, and he hadn’t wanted to get up. his stomach growled, so he had.

breakfast had been a miserable event. to avoid getting wet, simon had taken the long way to the dinning hall, which meant they were out of sour cherry scones when he finally arrived. he scarfed down eggs, bacon and hash browns instead. he was already on his second helping when penny and agatha arrived.

they had obviously been fighting; penny was quiet for once and agatha sat turned away from her friends. this made them both dreadful company, so simon elected not to talk. instead he stared at baz.

baz was sopping wet. this had been the first bright spot of his day. baz’s hair was clinging to his face (rather than being greased back like a vampire) and his clothes clung to his body. good, simon thought, he deserved to be wet all day.

baz was, to put it simply, his archnemesis. they had been roommates since their first year at watford boarding and baz had been determined to make his life a living hell. simon wasn’t sure exactly why. possibly because his dad and baz’s mom had a rivalry. maybe because baz was a classist snob who didn’t want to share a room with someone who didn’t fold their clothes properly.

or he was just revolted by simon.

either way, simon had embraced the relationship. it was good to have someone to put all of your anger into. otherwise, it would seep into the rest of your life. his father put his anger into the leader of the house, natasha pitch, when they were in session. when they were out, he resorted to yelling at his aids, the tv or worse, simon’s mother. that summer, he had thrown a dish near his wife’s feet. it had shattered and a piece flew up and cut simon’s hand. that had been the last straw. his mother had started divorce and custody proceedings the next day.

when their divorce was finalized, simon had no clue where his father would take out his extra anger.

he pushed that thought away, locking it up in his forbidden thoughts box. best not to think about it right now, he told himself and turned back to baz.

it was also nice to have someone that was always there when you needed them. if there was an awkward silence, he filled it with a baz rant. if he was bored, he could go see how baz was plotting his downfall. if he needed something to think about, he could steam about baz.

the girls didn’t appreciate his relationship with baz. for the most part they ignored it. if he talked about him too much, penny put her hand up and said, “you’ve reached your baz limit. shut up.”

it was whatever. hating baz could be a solely him thing, that was fine.

after breakfast, penny had dragged him to the library to study. it was saturday, which usually meant trips to the town or football on the pitch, but simon supposed they couldn’t do anything fun without getting wet. so he followed penny and waved good bye to a still fuming agatha.

“why are you two fighting?” he asked penny when she had settled into their spot. despite his annoyance at being there, simon appreciated the library. it was large, twice the size of their dinning hall, and cozy. there were multiple fireplaces that were lit in the winter and overstuffed chairs to read in. the librarian, miss reinsburg, had arranged the bookshelves so there were hidden spots; almost secret rooms, with heavy tables and comfortable chairs. their first year, penny had claimed one such section as theirs.

simon had a lot of good memories of it.

penny looked up from her history notebook and tucked her hair behind her ear. this year she had dyed it purple at the ends, resulting in a fight with her mother. (“penelope! you’ll kill your hair at this rate!”) penny was always arguing with people. she almost always won too. simon loved it about her.

“oh nothing.” penny said flatly. simon suspected that was a lie. “agatha and i just had differing opinions about something. don’t worry about it.”

simon nodded and stared back at his chemistry book. right, don’t worry about it. he supposed he could put thoughts of his best friends fighting in his forbidden thoughts box. it was either that or him worrying about it.

penny had been his best friend since before watford. their mothers were best friends so they had grown up together. most of his best childhood memories involved penny. before school, his mother used to drop him off at the bunce’s house and they’d get into all sorts of mischief. they’d prank her siblings, climb trees, read books from the ‘adult’ section of her mother’s library. but for the most part, they’d just exist together. being around penny was easy, she was his other half. when he couldn’t remember a word, penny knew it. when she needed help understanding her feelings, he coached her through them.

they were two peas in a pod and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

agatha, on the other hand, hadn’t become friends with them until winter break of their first year.

her parents were always too busy to deal with her, so she was sent to her aunt’s house for the break. his mother had been employed by agatha’s aunt (she was a brilliant gardener) so simon had spent most of the break awkwardly running into agatha.

(penny had been in america with her father, so simon helped his mother with gardening. since it was winter, they mostly tended potted plants in agatha’s aunt’s basement.)

multiple times he caught her watching him, before he invited her to help.

that’s where their friendship had bloomed, surrounded by hanging lights and giant potted plants.

after the break, he invited her to sit with them. agatha had been shy at first, but eventually warmed up to penny. they talked about tv shows and the books agatha had been forced to read, until their friendship had been cemented.

third year, agatha and simon had started dating.

he wasn’t really sure why, possibly because she was the prettiest girl in the school and he was one of the fittest. (baz, sadly, was fitter then him. he was also a bastard, so simon won the personality contest.) maybe because it seemed inevitable and they just wanted to get it over with.

now, years later, they were still dating.

indifferently. their relationship was stilted and awkward, more a friendship with expectations. simon missed when they would spend winter break running around her aunt’s house, giggling. now they just sat and stared at each other.

they occasionally kissed too. it was fine. it was nice. it wasn’t what simon wanted though.

he had no clue how to tell agatha that, so they continued on, coexisting uneasily.

penny shook him out of his thoughts. “simon, you haven’t turned a single page in your textbook for the last half hour, are you okay?”

he blinked and looked up. he had been lost in thought, unaware of the world around him. now he realized how antsy he was. his leg was jittering and he desperately needed to be loud.

“er i’m fine. i suppose uh…” he stood up. “i think i’m going to take a lap around the library.”

penny nodded, staring back at her books. he sighed and started his lap.

simon’s mother, lucy, liked to call him a people’s person. he had two best friends, but he had a lot of sorta friends. people he waved to and knew three pieces of information about, that he brought up whenever he talked to them. now, walking around the library, he decided to flex his social muscle.

“hullo rhys!” he said, waving.

rhys looked up and grinned at him. “hullo simon!” he gestured to the chair across from him, but simon shook his head. he was full of energy. he could not sit.

“how’s your little sister?” he asked, pacing back and forth.

rhys’ smile widened. “she’s wonderful! she learned to ride a bike over the break. she’s ridiculously fast, too. mum thinks she’s going to be an athlete.”

simon grinned at that thought. he had seen the little girl, she had almost as much energy as he did. “how’s choir going? i heard you have a competition coming up.”

rhys nodded. “we’re singing a piece in latin. gloria, as they are always called. we have solo auditions coming up!”

“that’s awesome, mate! are you auditioning?”

rhys nodded again. “i think i can get it! just need to practice some more,” he said, gesturing to the sheet music on his lap. simon took this as a signal to end their conversation. too bad, he never got to ask about rhys’ girlfriend.

“alright then mate! good luck!”

then he was off, weaving through the stacks.

the next person he ran into was phillipa, agatha’s roommate.

phillipa had been infatuated with simon for a couple of years, until he finally worked up the nerve to tell her it wouldn’t happen. she had taken it pretty well, though. she was currently dating a boy in the level above them.

“hullo phillipa!” simon said, approaching her table.

she looked up and smiled at him. “hullo simon!”

“how’s your poetry going?” he asked.

phillipa smirked. “wanna hear some?”

simon quickly moved on.

he went throughout the entire library, saying hello and making small talk with his classmates. he even made two new friends, a young girl in her fourth year and a boy on the football team. when he made it to the front to talk to the librarian, miss reinsburg, he spotted baz.

baz was grim faced and still slightly wet. he was talking in a hushed voice to miss reinsburg. he sounded frustrated.

simon crept as close as he could to listen.

“if you want, i can get you a card for the town’s library.” she said, staring unblinkingly at baz. “i can’t buy you any of these books though. i could get in trouble.”

baz snarled. “that’s ridiculous. why would anyone care?”

miss reinsburg looked at him coolly. “if i’m not mistaken, your mother recently passed a law banning certain books in school libraries. i’m sure these qualify.”

baz paled and stared at his feet. “can you get me a local library card, then?”

she nodded and started to type something on her computer.

“i can see you, snow.” baz hissed, without turning his head.

simon came out of hiding and joined baz at the front desk. “hullo miss reinsburg.” he said with a grin.

she smiled up at him. “hullo mr. salisbury. how have you been?”

he glanced at baz. his nemesis looked pissed off, his face turning red. “i’ve been mighty fine. how about you?”

miss reinsburg started to talk about her fiancé and her winter break plans, while simon studied baz from the corner of his eye. he looked uncharacteristically unhappy.

things never seemed to get to him. simon could call him names all day, but baz would just sneer and say something worse. simon had punched his nose once, breaking it, and baz had only winced and told him to watch his back. baz didn’t seem to get hurt. he was untouchable.

but after being told he couldn’t get books because of his mother, he looked broken. simon wondered if it was because he was embarrassed of his mother’s actions or because he desperately wanted those books.

then simon wondered why baz, one of the richest boys at their school, needed to get books from the library. unless… unless they were plotting books. books to help him bring down simon once and for all. he probably didn’t want to be put on MI5’s watch list.

“–and then we decided that any honeymoon would be good as long as we were together.” miss reinsburg finished. “here you go mr. pitch.” she said, her tone switching instantly. she handed him a library card.

he took it, glared at simon and marched away.

“poor boy.” miss reinsburg said, half to herself. “he’s going to have to undo a lot of pain his mother has caused.”

simon frowned at her and said his goodbyes.

pitying baz was dumb. no one pitied simon when he had been pushed down the stairs. baz didn’t deserve pity when he was trying to get books to plot simon’s downfall.

simon decided that he wouldn’t let it happen. when baz visited the public library, simon would follow him and stop him.

the next saturday was bright and sunny. simon dressed in his favorite jean shorts and worn down striped tee. he stomped around their room loudly as he got dressed, just to piss baz off.

“can you not?” the boy in question groaned, pulling a pillow over his head.

simon smirked and slammed the door shut behind him.

he was pretty sure today would be the day baz finally went to the library. all week, simon had paid extra attention to his roommate, to see if he would sneak off to the nearby town. baz just snarled at people and studied.

boring.

now, they had limited homework and it was the perfect day for a walk to town. baz was bound to visit the library.

simon would be right behind him, writing down every book he was reading, so he could counter his plots.

this was honestly very exciting. it had been forever since they had truly fought, forever since he had new stuff to complain about. with the growing awkwardness between penny and agatha, he desperately needed it.

there was only so many times you could complain about a bloke’s ridiculous hair or his impossibly sturdy thighs.

now he would have content. after all, baz was going to try to get him kicked out again.

when he got to breakfast, he filled his plate with scones and sat down to munch on them. things really were going his way that day.

“simon.” agatha said, sitting across from him.

“aggie!” he exclaimed, mouth half full with scone. “i feel like we haven’t talked all week.”

she smiled weakly at him. “i’m sorry, it’s just this penny thing…” she sighed and looked up at him. “do you want to take a walk? it’s beautiful outside.”

simon nodded, shoved his remaining scone in his pocket and took her hand. today was truly going to be a great day.

they didn’t talk much, but it was a comfortable silence. simon hummed a tune that was stuck in his head and agatha looked around them. “that’s a mozart.” she said eventually.

he glanced at her. “really?”

she nodded. “baz?”

he frowned and looked around. baz was no where in sight. “what?”

“did you hear it from baz’s violin lessons?”

oh. right. he always ‘studied’ outside of baz’s violin lessons. that must have been where he heard it. “yeah. listen… i actually need to find him.”

agatha sighed. “really simon?”

he let go of her hand. “sorry!” he said, while jogging away. “it was nice spending time with you!”

simon was very lucky. baz was in their room, getting dressed to go somewhere.

“going somewhere, pitch?” he asked, leaning in the doorway.

baz finished tying his docs and sneered at him. “unlike you, i have things to do.” he said. then he grabbed his library card from his bedside table and slipped it into his pocket. “move.” he said, pushing simon out of the doorway.

simon stumbled away and grinned. it was so on.

he followed baz to the town from a safe distance. baz never even turned back. trusting dumbass.

simon loved the walk to the town. they had to go through watford’s grand gates, then walk on a dusty road surrounded by woods.

he felt safe among the trees. he had always loved nature, his mom made sure of that, and he never felt more apart of it then when he was walking between the woods.

the town, was a bit less woodsy.

it was small and quaint, colorful shops and cobblestone streets. parents loved to take their kids there before school started, dragging them from shop to shop. there was even an iconic place to take pictures, next to the town’s half burnt sign.

simon had seven photos of himself next to it, in each a bit taller.

baz didn’t stop to take in the sights of the town. which meant simon couldn’t either. instead he pushed his way through the crowds and found the library.

the town library was much smaller then their own. penny had taken him there a couple times the year before. it apparently had a decent fiction section, compared to their school library which focused on nonfiction. it also bought most books that were requested. penny had been reading an intense trilogy about war in high fantasy china, and the local library had bought her the final book when it came out.

simon bet that was why baz had chosen to come here. he would probably request some obscure plotting book and the naive library would buy it for him.

except, when simon finally made it inside, he found baz already reading a book in the fiction section.

“that’s odd.” he said to himself, getting comfortable in a hiding spot. “what can you get from a fiction book?”

he wouldn’t know until baz left the book behind or closed it, revealing the cover. until then, he had to watch baz read.

it wasn’t unpleasant, actually. baz looked so soft and peaceful when he read. his face was smoothed and the corners of his lips were slightly upturned.

he even put his hair up in a bun and little pieces fell out, framing his face.

simon almost thought he looked approachable and nice. instead of the callous bastard that he knew.

he must have sat there for hours watching baz, because he eventually finished his book and put it back on the shelf. then he left the library, hands in his pockets, a slight smile on his face.

the second baz was gone, simon leapt up and checked the book.

he was even more confused.

the book was pink and normal looking. he didn’t understand what plots could be derived from it. then he started reading.

oh. it was about enemies.

of course. baz would be pulling plots from a fictional story, because simon would never think to look there.

except he was. simon grinned. he would be the winner of this fight.

he read the book for a bit longer (it was very well written), then checked his phone. it was almost six o’clock, he had missed lunch and about twenty five texts. he looked around the library. he didn’t want to leave the book, he needed to know what baz was plotting. he couldn’t check it out though, he didn’t have a library card. so he did the next best thing. he shoved it in his satchel and walked out like it hadn’t happened.

he felt guilty, of course, but it was his livelihood at stake. besides, he would return it. maybe he’d get a library card as well. miss reinsburg could help him.

he texted penny back and snuck into the school. he went to dinner and ate three times as much as normal. the girls still weren’t talking. he pulled out his book and read.

it was awfully good. simon had never been a big reader, but if this was how all books were, he might have to become one.

the only problem was, he hadn’t gotten anything out of it yet.

so far the characters had been playfully hostile to each other and now were being forced to reconcile. simon didn’t understand how that applied to their situation. no one was forcing them to reconcile.

when dinner ended, penny wanted to go to the library to study, so simon followed behind, reading his book. things were weird, but good. he had almost completely forgotten why he was reading it except for entertainment.

when they got to the library, he sunk into a deep state. his book was building up to something, he just wasn’t sure what. the characters seemed to be friends now, but maybe that was just a plot? befriending simon to later betray him seemed rather long term for baz, but simon supposed he might try it out. after all, framing him and fighting with him hadn’t done much.

then, everything changed.

“oh gosh.” simon whispered.

penny whipped her head up and looked at him. “what happened?”

simon gaped at her. “they kissed.”

penny looked around them and then back at her best friend. “what?” she said with a slight smile.

simon stared at his book. “these two boys… they were enemies and then they became friends and now they… they kissed.”

penny snorted. “i see you’ve found enemies to lovers, si.”

simon’s mouth fell even more open. “what?”

penny raised an eyebrow and turned more towards him. “it’s a pretty common romance trope. two people hate each other sooo much and they also have all this passion. it can be great when done well.”

simon’s mouth was dry. why was baz reading this? what could he possibly get out of this?

“oh. huh.” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “that’s fun.”

penny started to say something then shook her head. “yeah, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s a list of the books they read after the last chapter :)


	2. Chapter 2

**simon**

simon finished the book on tuesday and was filled with questions the whole week. the book had been… well… a lot. he couldn’t imagine baz reading it and looking so peaceful. he had no clue why baz had been reading it. maybe he just wanted entertainment? except why would he have to go to the public library for that?

the more simon thought about it, the more he was sure that there was more that met the eye. he reread the book and read about it on the internet. he ended up reading some fanfic, but it was just more of the same. (he still read it, it just didn’t benefit his investigation)

finally, saturday came along and he followed baz to library again. this time he had a library card, so he wouldn’t have to steal the book. he also returned the book from the week before.

the day went relatively the same. baz cozied up on the library floor and read. simon cozied up behind a shelf and watched him. he really did enjoy this baz. he laughed out loud and gasped. he didn’t yell at anyone or look angry. he just existed.

when baz was done, he put it back on the shelf. simon memorized where it was and what the spine looked like, so he wouldn’t get the wrong book.

then, instead of leaving, baz picked out another book and checked it out.

fuck. simon had no clue how he’d read that book. oh well, he would start with this book first.

this time, instead of spending more time in the library, simon grabbed the book and checked it out.

“good choice.” the librarian, who’s name tag said isaac, smiled. “i think you’ll enjoy this one.”

simon smiled hesitantly at him and left.

this book was a lot more promising. there was a lot of violence and so far, no boys kissing. not that simon minded boys kissing, he didn’t mind it at all, but he didn’t know how helpful it was in his anti plotting campaign.

he finished the book sunday night, much to his surprise. even more to his surprise; the book was part of a series.

“no wonder he got another one.” simon said to himself.

he didn’t research the books online, he didn’t want to get spoilers.

or uh, he didn’t want to mislearn information about the plots baz got from the books. that was it.

“you’ve been reading a lot recently.” penny said at dinner. agatha had apparently apologized the day before, so they were back to talking. “another enemies to lovers?” she asked.

agatha raised her dainty eyebrows. “simon? are you reading romance books?”

simon went bright red. it was one thing for penny to know, she knew every embarrassing secret about him. it was another thing for agatha, his girlfriend, to learn.

“er uh yeah.” he said, his face still heated. “not really on purpose. i mean, my last book wasn’t a romance, but the first one was.”

penny snorted. “how do you accidentally read a romance book?”

simon shrugged and started shoveling food into his mouth. he didn’t want to tell them about baz. they’d probably think simon was taking it too far.

“what’s this newest one about, then?” agatha asked, saving him.

simon nodded enthusiastically. “right! it’s pretty cool! it’s about this fake sport and there’s some mafia elements? there’s already been a murder!”

agatha groaned. “boys and their murder.” she said.

penny made a face. “murder isn’t gendered, agatha. girls can enjoy murder too.”

then the two of them were cracking up and simon felt warm inside.

baz, surprisingly, visited the library that wednesday.

simon followed him and watched him drop the second book at the librarian’s desk. darn, he would have a hard time getting it.

baz didn’t even stay to read. he just picked up the third one and left.

simon stayed behind and tried to think of a way to get the next book.

“er um excuse me.” he finally said.

the man looked up. he was the same librarian as before, a fit man with styled black hair and bright green eyes. isaac, simon remembered.

“i um well…” he couldn’t for the life of him say what he needed to say. he needed that book. was that so hard to tell him?

“my friend left a bookmark in the book he turned in!” he blurted finally. isaac raised an eyebrow. “he wanted me to get it and er… the book.”

the librarian rubbed his chin. “friend huh? that’s a weird thing for a friend to ask for.”

simon frowned. “i meant… boyfriend. boyfriend yup.”

isaac tilted his head. “are you talking about that bloke with the dark hair?”

simon nodded. fuck, he knew who baz was. what if he brought this up with him the next time he came? “yup, baz. we aren’t like… official boyfriends yet. actually, we aren’t boyfriends. i just have a massive crush on him so i do stuff for him.”

simon wanted to die.

isaac just laughed. “i get it, i get it. what’s the book?” simon told him and isaac raised an eyebrow. “the second book in the series you started? you know, you could have just told me that. you didn’t have to make up a story about a bookmark.”

simon blinked at him. “er what?”

isaac smiled. “you’re reading the same books as your crush, right? so you can have something to talk about? i’ve been there, i get it. i’ll check it out for you.”

simon swallowed. he felt uncomfortably hot, under the gaze of this man. he felt… noticed. seen. not that he had a crush on baz or anything. he didn’t even want to discuss these books with baz (though, he did want to discuss them with someone. and baz was the only person he knew who was reading them). still, isaac had noticed him and drew conclusions. it was kind of scary.

“um yeah. i don’t think it’s going to work really.” he said, talking off the top of his head. “he really hates me. but it’s worth a try, right?”

isaac smiled and simon felt heated again. “you never know, he might not hate you as much as you think.”

with that cryptic message, simon rushed back to school, book under his arm.

this one had even more murder. he was really into the story and the characters as well. he still dutifully took notes about possible plots baz could take from it.

he never read while he was in his bedroom, especially not when baz was in there. he didn’t want him to catch on to him.

baz read in their room though. it was very distracting. simon would be doing his maths and baz would snort. he would look up and study his face, trying to understand what he was thinking. baz noticed occasionally and glared at him until simon went back to his work. more often then not, he didn’t notice at all.

on friday, baz started crying. it was silent, but when simon glanced up, he saw tears running down his face.

“baz?!” he said, his eyes wide. “are you okay?”

baz looked away from his book and sneered at simon. “mind your own business, nitwit. or do you not have any business to mind? is that why you are always holed up in the library? your precious agatha doesn’t like you anymore?” he taunted.

simon just stared at him. it was hard to take him seriously while his face was wet with tears. “fine. cry all you want.” he said, slamming his textbook closed and grabbing his satchel. “i don’t care.”

it was ten o’clock, but he sat in the library and read his book till midnight. miss reinsburg, who was glad he was reading, eventually kicked him out and told him to go to bed.

he finished the book under his covers.

the next morning was saturday, and baz seemed to have finished his book as well.

so simon followed him to the town and they went through their ritual. baz read a book on the floor, he left slightly happier with another book, simon checked out the third book and the book baz read.

“talked to him yet?” isaac asked, checking them out.

simon shook his head. “he was crying last night though. i think because of the third book. i tried to comfort him but he told me to fuck off.”

isaac smiled. “it might take time. just like enemies to lovers, yeah? it’s not good unless there’s build up.”

simon frowned. “how do you know i know about enemies to lovers?”

isaac stared at him. “you’re reading one?”

simon read the third book in two sittings. it turned out isaac was right. the main character got together with a hostile boy in the end. simon wasn’t really sure if it was enemies to lovers, but it was definitely a love story. a gay one, as well.

he didn’t have a clue why baz was reading them. he wasn’t sure if they were a plot anymore. he wasn’t sure of anything.

he was sure that baz had been crying because of the book. he saw that reflected in his own read of it.

there were a couple moments that made his eyes tear up. there were a couple where he laughed until he couldn’t breath. there were some where he couldn’t breath, but for a completely er, different reason. (he couldn’t help it, he never expected romantic scenes, so they always took him by surprise)

despite not knowing why he had read it, simon had enjoyed it immensely. he did the same research and only came across memes and soft fics about apartments and cats. he reread his favorite moments from the third one, reliving the main characters getting together.

on wednesday, he started the next book baz had read.

“this one is really weird.” he told penny and agatha at lunch. they had exhausted conversations about classes and upcoming tests, so agatha asked him about the book in his satchel. “it’s kind of enemies to lovers, kind of love triangle. there are also vampires and witches. it’s very gay.”

penny and agatha exchanged a look. they had been really close lately, but simon guessed it was because he was caught up in his books. “what’s up with all of the gay books?” penny asked gently.

simon frowned. he didn’t know what to say. if he said it was because of baz, they’d just roll their eyes. it would no longer be ‘simon is finally reading!’ and instead ‘simon is still obsessed with basilton pitch.’

“er um the librarian keeps recommending them to me?” that wasn't completely a lie. they had been talking a bit and he had learned isaac was the reason there were so many good, queer young adult books. “he’s really uh… cool.” simon said, his face turning red.

agatha raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

penny just gave agatha a look and she nodded.

“si, do you think we can talk?”

simon nodded. “sure, we’re talking right now.”

agatha smiled. “i mean away from penny.”

“oh.”

she took him to the woods. he started to feel strange. this was going to be something bad, wasn’t it? maybe agatha was going to tell him she was in love with baz. or that she was moving to france and wouldn’t see him again.

“simon, i wanted to talk about our relationship.” she said. oh, that was it. well, this was probably for the best. “i’ve been putting this off, but penny finally convinced me i had to tell you. that’s what we fought about.”

simon frowned. “that was weeks ago. why are you only just breaking up with me?”

agatha made a noise. “slow down, si. i never said i was breaking up with you.”

damn. simon kind of wished she was.

“it took me awhile to build up the courage, but penny has been helping. i realized i’m aromantic. possibly asexual as well, but i haven’t exactly figured that out.”

oh. he had learned one of his characters was demisexual. he had never heard the term before so he had done a lot of research.

“that’s cool, aggie. does that mean you want to break up?”

agatha raised an eyebrow. “no, but you want to, don’t you?”

simon thought for a second. “i love you, but i like us better as friends. i don’t think i’ve been feeling this relationship for awhile now.”

agatha nodded. “thank you for telling me. i think that’s probably for the best anyways. you can pursue other stuff now.”

simon frowned. “like who? phillipa? i don’t really like her.”

agatha smiled at him and nudged him slightly. “like that cute librarian in town. or…” she stopped herself.

simon stared at her. “i’m not gay?”

agatha stared back at him. “okay.”

“i’m not.”

she nodded. they walked back to school in comfortable silence.

he wasn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baz time

**baz**

baz wasn’t oblivious. he knew snow had been following him to the library.

he had put up with it because he didn’t want to fight. things were already tense as shit at home, he didn’t feel like bothering snow. plus snow hadn’t done anything but watch him. that wasn’t entirely out of the norm, he had spent their entire fifth year following him around, but he expected some accusations of plots or something.

so baz had ignored him and read his books, imagining the two of them in these situations. his very own self insert fan fic.

then things got weird. he was reading a particularly tense moment and started to cry. he hadn’t meant to, but the scenes hit close to home. the main character had been dragged to his murderous parent. baz didn’t exactly have a murderous parent, nor had he ever been kidnapped, but he’d dealt with the same sentiment. he knew what it felt like to not want to be around someone you’re supposed to love.

worse, snow had noticed he was crying and commented on it. there went their unspoken peace. he had to snap at him and push him away.

he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he had opened up to him. maybe not all of the details, especially because he wasn’t out to his roommate, but just that he had problems with his parents. snow would probably relate, right? word on the street was his father was abusive.

he did not. instead he just continued the cycle of pain. he got mad at snow, snow got mad at him. they fought and fought until someone had to tear them apart.

except… well snow hadn’t taken the bait. maybe he was growing up. he seemed to be studying a lot more recently, and despite his recent breakup, relatively happy.

baz wondered what that felt like.

anyways, it was another saturday and he was innocently trying to spot snow behind him. (the boy really did not know a thing about being sneaky) it was a beautiful day, which meant snow in shorts. but snow wasn’t behind him. in fact, he hadn’t seen him at all that day.

that’s odd, he thought, then pushed the thoughts away. he had a day full of books ahead of him.

baz had started reading queer books that summer. instead of wanking away his feelings about snow (he had tried, and failed), he decided to distract his mind so that he never had time to think about him. he wrote poetry, painted, listened to music, but it all came back to his roommate. the love of his life. so he had tried something new.

he had always read, the big tomes in his parents library, but he had rarely read romance novels or young adult. normally when he did, he read too much into same sex relationships and queer baited himself. or he got frustrated at the straightness of it all.

turns out, he really liked queer young adult novels. especially enemies to lovers. he had spent all summer sneaking to the local library and reading as much as he could find. there were never enough and the protagonists were always white as fuck. it got to a point where he had read every queer book three times over and his thirst was still not quenched.

thank goodness for the public library near his school. it had a surprising amount of queer books. unlike his school library, which had almost zero. (blame his mother, her tory homophobic tendencies spilled outside their home) he had barely scratched the surface of what there was. he was so excited to read them all.

finally, he arrived at the library (still snow free) and slipped inside.

the library was a very peaceful place. besides snow’s incessant breathing, the librarians humming and the words zooming through baz’s head, it was normally silent. almost no one came in on saturdays, which made it a perfect place to spend a couple of hours. but today, it was filled with laughter and talk.

he stood frozen in the doorway, unwilling to peak over to where the voices were coming from.

“–no i didn’t. well okay i did but i didn’t know!” the voice said.

baz almost dropped the book he was holding (boy escapes to rome to avoid being outed. the book had dealt with islamaphobia and homophobia very well. and had a nonwhite protagonist, which he always appreciated). that was snow’s voice. snow had been hiding in the library for weeks and now he was talking to someone.

“he’s right, you are a little thick.” a voice said, lovingly. baz recognized it as snow’s best friend and the second most brilliant student in their school, penelope bunce. bunce said something else and people laughed again.

only i should get to call him thick, baz thought heatedly. then he realized she had probably been talking about him doing that.

“well anyways, i’m glad you came here,” that voice was vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place it. it was masculine and warm.

“the first time or today?” snow joked.

baz had never really heard him be so confident and happy. he loved it. he wished he could hear it directed at him.

“well, both. i’m glad we’re mates, but i’m also glad you came today. we have a couple new books that i bet you’d love.”

baz frowned. since when did snow read?

just then, agatha wellbelove came out of the bathroom. she was still drying her hands with a paper towel and went to throw it away in the trash can near the door. she noticed him immediately and stood shocked.

he sneered at her and then regretted it. he had nothing against her (except that she got to date snow and that he’d never get to).

she just snorted and walked over to the others. “hey simon, your boy is standing in the doorway.”

snow mumbled something, causing the others to burst out laughing. he walked over, bright red. “oh, hey baz. fancy meeting you here.”

baz raised an eyebrow coolly and walked past him. he dropped the book off at the front desk and surveyed the situation. the third voice had been the librarian, a youngish bloke with decent hair. bunce had the new book in her hand and was turning it over. baz instantly recognized it. it was a cute, critically acclaimed, new release about neighbors who lived together for a week or two and became boyfriends. he had no clue why snow of all people would want to read it.

“well?” he asked. “what’s all this?”

bunce and the librarian exchanged looks. “we’re getting books.” bunce offered, as if he was snow and needed simple things explained to him.

that was cruel. it wasn’t snow’s fault his parents hadn’t had time or money to teach him well, before his father got elected and was able to send him to a good school.

“right then.” he said and walked away. he had stayed up late searching for new books the night before and wasn’t going to let snow’s squad distract him.

“er baz wait!” snow said. he whipped around. the boy was still bright red. baz wanted to push him against a wall and suck his face off.

baz had a lot of library fantasies about snow. he should probably do something about that.

“what?” he hissed, rather meanly. why did he have to be such a dick?

snow recoiled. “i just, er, wanted to… i wanted to ask… i, well, er,” he ran his hands though his glorious hair and sucked on his cheek.

“what snow?” baz drawled. “spit it out will you? not all of us have all day.”

snow looked more frustrated and stammered some more, “i just, i thought maybe, well i was thinking…”

baz scoffed. “when you find your one brain cell, give me a call. i’ve suddenly remembered i hate being in places where common folk dwell,” then he strode out of the library. then, right before leaving, he turned and said, “and snow?”

snow peeked over the corner, along with bunce and wellbelove.

“you might want to be less obvious about stalking me. people might start talking. say you are infatuated with me.”

then he was gone, walking back to school without a gay book or ounce of joy.

in hindsight, he had been needlessly shitty and not even gotten anything out of it.

he had also known that when he did it. but as they said, old habits die hard.

things were miserable the next couple of days. snow was pissed at him, which meant slammed doors, yanked open curtains, glares through their mutual classes/meals and yelling matches galore.

he also didn’t have a book, which made things unbearable.

by wednesday afternoon, he considered apologizing or kissing snow or going to the library and hiding his face in shame when he went to check out his books.

he did none of these things. instead he watched the election in his friends room and scowled.

his mother lost majority. it wasn’t really a surprise, but it still stung. he didn’t particularly care for tory majority, in fact he was rather against it, but he knew what would happen if his mom lost. she would be even more demanding of him.

it was like her every failure was a chance for him to do better.

his father wasn’t much better. he just gave baz disapproving looks and asked him why he didn’t have a girlfriend yet. not because he was unaware of baz’s unmistakable queerness, but because he simply did not care.

thank god for fiona, at least.

his aunt was the only adult he could truly stand. she always promised that her apartment would be open to him if he ever needed to get away. he had considered it once or twice, but feared the consequences. sure, a couple nights away from blatant homophobia would be nice, but when he got back there would be hell to pay.

so he stayed and suffered.

even with snow’s dramatic displays of hatred, watford boarding was much better then his house. of course, it would be better if snow wasn’t pissed at him, but what’s a boy to do?

“what did you do this time?” niall asked, stepping into the room. dev passed him a beer and he sat on the bed across from baz.

baz realized his friend was talking to him. “who says i did anything?” he sneered.

niall put a hand up. “woah there buddy. have you been drinking too much?” baz just stared at him, so he continued. “for one, snow has been in a pissy mood the last couple of days. to the point that agatha came up to me and said i should get you to apologize. of course, i told her no one makes baz apologize, but she just rolled her eyes.”

dev looked up. “she’s so pretty.”

niall hit his stomach lightly. “shut up, we’re dating. anyways, you’re also spending all of your time in here and everyone hears your loud ass fights every night.”

baz groaned internally and thought about shoving pizza into his mouth to avoid saying anything. he instead rolled his eyes. “i might have accidentally said he was gay for me. in a mean way.”

dev and niall exchanged looks. “projecting much?” dev said through a mouth of pizza.

baz sneered but it was half hearted. dev had taken an online psychology course that summer and now thought he was freud. who, by the way, was very fucked up.

“i know i shouldn’t have but i can’t stop myself around him. his hotness just makes me want to kiss him or punch him.”

“so kiss him.” niall said, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

baz took a sip of beer and stared at the ceiling. niall and dev had gone to ibiza together that summer and came back disgustingly cute and dating. they thought since they got over their mutual pining, he could as well. not that snow was mutual pining with baz. snow didn’t really seem the pining type, though he used to cling to agatha when they were younger.

“and give him an excuse to rebreak my nose?” baz shook his head, his hair flying around his face. it was getting awfully long, which he loved. he’d probably get shit for it at home though. “no thanks.”

“he’s obviously into-“ niall started but dev elbowed him in the stomach. “i mean, i think you have more of a chance then you think. agatha is out of the picture, he’s been reading those gay books just like you and he–“

baz frowned. he wondered if he was more drunk then he had thought. he had only had two bottles right? or three… “what?”

dev raised an eyebrow. “he’s been reading the same books as you for the last month ish. i thought you knew. we all assumed he thought you were plotting and wanted to keep an eye on your book situation.”

baz was lightheaded. he thought through every book he had read recently. there were a lot of sex scenes or talks of sex. oh no. he had been reading enemies to lovers. that was bloody obvious, wasn’t it? snow would see that he imagined them in those situations and be disgusted.

baz felt sick to his stomach.

“baz, buddy, are you alright?” dev asked.

he must have looked nauseous. niall pushed the trash can near him and dev looked quickly between baz and the bathroom.

“i have to go.” he said, getting up and grabbing his blazer.

niall yelled at him as he left, “wait we didn’t even get complete elections results!”

“they don’t matter!” he yelled back and ran up the stairs to their private floor, his throat filled with bile.

“snow.” he said, throwing open the door.

snow jumped, he was sitting on his bed and reading something. he went bright red and looked up. baz felt his heart flutter. the light behind his head made his hair look like a halo and his freckles jump out.

“what is it, baz?” he asked. he sounded tired, if not exhausted. baz just wanted to swaddle him like a baby and sing him to sleep.

“let’s finally do this.” baz said and immediately cursed his wording. his skin blushed, but it was probably brown enough for snow not to notice. “come on, get your shoes, we’re going to end this.”

snow looked at him with wide, plain blue eyes. “er, baz? what does that mean?”

baz smirked. “why don’t you hurry your ass up so you can see?”

snow hurried behind him and wouldn’t shut up. baz clenched his jaw and stayed silent until they got to the football pitch.

“are we going to play?” he asked.

baz crossed his arms and planted his feet. “no.”

snow ran his hands through his hair and paced slightly. “then why did you bring me out here in the cold? what is wrong with you?”

baz flinched and snow immediately stuttered an apology.

“just shut up. i know you’ve been reading the same books as me. i know how you feel,” again, that made him blush, “so we’re going to fight it out. if i win, you never look at me, think about me or talk to me/about me ever again.”

snow’s eyes were the size of saucers. “um, what if i win?”

baz raised an eyebrow. “whatever you want.”

snow looked at his already soggy sneakers. “i want you to stop being hostile to me. you will call me simon and say good night and …” he looked up and made confident eye contact. “and we’ll be friends.”

well. baz was not expecting that. why would snow want to be friends with him? unless he just wanted to humiliate him by learning his deep dark secrets (he only had one, that he had a crush on snow. oh and that he ate salt and vinegar chips and pushed the crumbs under snow’s bed). maybe he just wanted to look like the better person.

baz put out his hand. “fine.”

snow shook and then they eyed each other warily.

snow came at him first, which baz was expecting. he slid to the side and kicked his ankles. except, he underestimated how strong snow was. his roommate just took the blow and picked up baz and flipped him over. baz landed with a thud on the muddy pitch and groaned.

“you alright baz?” snow asked, holding out his hand.

baz grabbed it and yanked him down. he pulled himself above snow and pined him to the ground, holding his wrists in his hands. he straddled his chest with his legs and stared down at him.

snow was gaping up at him. his eyes were right on baz’s.

baz realized where he was and stuttered, “uh i guess i…”

then snow smiled, well smirked maybe, but baz refused to believe snow could smirk well. he grabbed baz’s hands and pushed him off. baz fell flat on the ground and groaned. simon stood up and placed a muddy foot on baz’s stomach.

he looked down and winked. “so, baz, now that we’re friends, i can kindly say you look disgustingly dirty and probably should take a shower. also your face is bright red.”

then he pulled baz up and dusted off his shirt. not only was that useless (he was caked in mud), it was too fucking sensual. snow–simon’s hands touched his chest like they belonged there.

“alright snow.” he said, pushing him off. “i’ll see you in our room then.”

he walked away, wondering what he was getting into.


	4. Chapter 4

**simon**

the next couple weeks were odd, to say the least. it wasn’t easy to fix their 6 and a half years old trash can relationship. he watched baz hold back (successfully and unsuccessfully) insults, turn sneers into uncertain smiles and flinch when simon held up his hand for high fives or daps. things were getting better though. they said good night, simon didn’t try to piss off baz and sometimes they held doors open for each other. he no longer glared at him or ranted about him (to be fair, it had been a long time since the latter had happened). he had honestly thought his life would be emptier, but it wasn’t. he spent most of his time studying for their upcoming midterm exams and talking to his friends. he even had conversations with baz. he still found himself talking about baz to his friends. only it was positive and nice.

“baz was just talking about this! it’s unfair the minotaur is giving us an essay AND a final exam. baz said it’s because he’s barely graded any assignments all semester and needs grades.” he said once, during a break between studying.

his friends would always exchange looks but never said anything. they had been happy to hear about their new friendship and didn’t comment past that. as penny always said, what he did with baz was his business.

he always thought that was a weird thing to say, but he guessed he understood her sentiment.

now, it was saturday again and baz was heading to the public library.

“i thought you had your chemistry exam on monday?” simon said, watching baz lace up his boots.

baz raised an eyebrow. “i do.”

simon gestured. “then why are you going to the library? won’t that distract you?”

baz pressed his lips together. simon had learned this meant he was keeping back a jeer. it was actually pretty considerate of him. “i need a brain break. this close to the exam, the worst thing i could do is overstuff and forget everything. besides, it’s been dreary the last two weeks, i want to go out.”

simon smile and nodded. “right then.” then he started to pull on his own shoes.

baz stood and gave him a look. “where are you going?”

simon looked up. “i’m coming with you.”

baz frowned. simon wondered if he was going to call off their friendship just because simon wanted to walk next to him for ten minutes. baz would, he thought bitterly.

“why?” he asked instead.

simon stood up and walked to the door. “i miss isaac, you made some good points and i desperately need new books.”

baz was still frowning but he followed simon down the stairs. “this is still weird.” he said as they stepped outside.

“what part?” simon asked.

baz glanced at him. “us walking together? you reading? you reading gay books?”

simon looked up. the sky was so large and blue. it really had been awhile since it had been nice outside. maybe they could go sit in a park when they were done. “i dunno. i’ve always hoped we’d become friends. for the second thing, pen says i should have been reading years ago, i’m actually not bad at it. just… never had books that interested me. and the gay books part… i think it’s because gay books don’t uphold gross gender stereotypes? like, girls don’t have to be bitchy popular girls or sweet nerds or solely pretty. guys aren’t toxic messes or whatever. people are more faceted, ya know?”

baz was silent for a minute. “i never thought about that.” they exited the gates and started down the woods path. “i guess that’s true. i like gay books because…” he trailed off. simon kept walking until he realized baz had stopped.

“i’m gay.” baz said, eyes looking down. “i thought… well i thought you were homophobic or would be uncomfortable with me being gay. so i… never told you.”

simon nodded. “alright.”

they stood there.

“i’m not homophobic, by the way.” he said. baz rolled his eyes and pushed him. simon laughed and pushed him back. they continued down the path.

“i know.” baz said. “anyways i don’t want to talk about it.”

“alright.”

so simon started talking about his last book and how soft it was. baz just made hums of agreeance or added something he thought was relevant. simon wondered why they hadn’t always been like this. it seemed a shame they’d only have a year and a half as friends.

“hey, what do you think you’ll do after we graduate?” he asked.

baz raised an eyebrow. he didn’t even need to turn to see it. “we still have a year.” he said in reply.

simon looked at the trees. “yeah but… i don’t know, don’t you have to start planning around now?”

baz sighed. “i’ll go to oxford and get a degree in economics. i’ll become a banker and work my way through the ranks until i die of old age and boredom. i’ll probably never marry or i’ll find the most generic white gay that my parents will be happy with.”

his words were flat and empty. simon wanted to hold him in his arms and pet his head. that wasn’t how they worked though so he just said, “will that make you happy?”

baz frowned. “it’ll make my parents happy.”

simon pressed harder, “will it make you happy?”

baz shook his head. his beautiful silky hair shook. “that doesn’t matter, does it?”

this time it was simon who stopped. “it does. it really does, baz. you shouldn’t live a life you’ll hate. as they say…” he bit his lip and smirked. “you only live once.”

baz punched his arm and laughed. “you nerd. i hear what you’re saying but… i don’t know what to tell you. i’ve already come to terms with it.”

“if you could do anything, what would you do?” simon asked, continuing to walk.

baz contemplated this. simon wondered, slightly embarrassed, if he might say something about snogging a boy at their school. he felt uncomfortable with that. not because he was homophobic, but because he didn’t think anyone deserved baz. baz was smart, good at football, a decent friend if you got past the teasing and bloody fit. simon tried not to think about any of that, but he was bad at doing so when it came to baz. the boy would not fit in his forbidden thoughts box.

“i would write books. obviously gay. really gay actually, the type where everyone in it is queer. i’d support progressive causes and live in a little cottage in a village where everyone knew me and i’d have a husband i’d love. maybe we’d adopt kids or dogs or whatever. i would write all day and cook dinner and cuddle next to my husband and watch bad american shows.”

oh. “that’s beautiful.” they were in town now and standing outside of the library. simon actually had to wipe away tears. “i think that’s what you should do.”

baz didn’t say anything. he just stepped inside. simon followed him.

“simon!” isaac said. “i was beginning to think you forgot about me.”

simon grinned and dapped his friend. “nah, just exams. one more week then the break!”

isaac noticed baz and frowned.

“it’s okay.” simon said. “we made up and are friends now! we’re going to start a queer book club at school.”

baz snorted and held back a grin. “that’s not remotely true!” he said.

simon shrugged and angled his body more towards him. “it would be fun though! we could read the same books and discuss them. i bet aggie and pen would be up for it. maybe you could get niall and dev to join. i could find a couple others too.”

baz was fully smiling now. “i mean that would be fun. we’d have to buy more copies of the books but…” he shook his head. “whatever, we can talk about this another time. i do like the idea of discussing books.”

isaac was looking between them and had an eyebrow raised. “do you two know what books you want?”

simon started to list off books and baz commented on some. isaac took them to get the books and carried them to the front desk. all together they got seven books.

“here’s what i’m thinking,” simon said.

baz smirked. “never a good start.”

simon rolled his eyes playfully. “we divide them up and over the break meet up to switch off.”

baz looked wide eyed. “you want to meet up over the break?”

simon gave him a look. “duh. we’re friends. oh yeah, pen wanted to know if you wanted to come to our annual christmas hang out. we exchange gifts the day before christmas, small stuff don’t worry, and eat a fuck ton of cookies.”

baz was turning slightly red. simon used to think it was when he got angry, but now he realized it was because he was embarrassed.

“oh. that would be nice. maybe… my parents always throw a new years party. we, dev niall and i, always get drunk on our roof at the end. you could come.”

simon grinned. “that sounds awesome baz!”

baz smiled slightly. “i’m uh gonna get some another book. so we could have an even eight.” then he was off.

when he was out of earshot, isaac grinned at simon. “you didn’t tell me you got him.”

“got him?” simon asked, confused.

isaac looked at him expectingly. “are you not dating?”

simon laughed. “no. we’re just friends.”

isaac smirked. “right. the next step in the enemies to lovers process, baby.”

simon’s ears reddened. he knew that, but he didn’t want to think about it. he put that in his forbidden thoughts box. “right.” he said.

baz came, they checked out their books and they lugged them away.

the next week was tiring, but simon thought he did fine. he wasn’t a great student like baz or penny, but he did just well enough to pass. it helped that baz had helped him study and wasn’t occupying his every thought. well, he was, but not in the same way. now he could only think about how nice baz was, how they could have always had this, how much he’d miss him over the break.

after his last exam on friday, he started his first book and waited for baz to finish in their room. the book was good, it was about a boy overwhelmed by schools expectations, but he couldn’t focus. all he could think about was his half packed suitcase and his dusty bedroom at home.

finally, baz entered their room.

“all good?” simon asked, his anxiety fading.

baz took his bun out. “went fine. the question is it enough to beat bunce for first spot? the answer is yes.” he grinned.

simon threw his pillow at him. “you braggart.”

baz shrugged. “i have the grades to back it up.”

they just grinned at each other until baz threw the pillow back. “i have to finish packing. my aunt fiona is picking me up at 4.”

“right.” simon knew this. he just didn’t like thinking about it. “promise me you’ll text me over the break?”

baz rolled his eyes. “of course dummy.”

they put on music and packed. baz had a surprisingly good voice. simon could listen to him sing all day. maybe all night as well.

he wanted to bottle up this moment, their overheated bedroom, the loud music, baz’s laughs and hip bumps, and take it home with him. then, when his mother was busy working and he was left alone, he could open it up again and feel warm inside.

finally, there was a knock at their door and dev poked his head in. “fi is here for us.” he said, waving at simon.

simon half heartedly waved back.

baz grabbed his bags and walked to the door. “see you at christmas, simon.” he said.

simon gaped at him. “you said my name.”

baz shrugged. “maybe.”

simon couldn’t help himself. he walked over and hugged baz. baz seemed shocked for a second, then hugged him back.

he never wanted to let go.

dev cleared his throat. “we don’t want to anger fiona. she might make us all sit in the back like sardines.”

baz let him go and waved. “bye.”

“bye.”

the break was how they always were. agatha was staying at her aunts house, so they were close enough to hang out every day. they sat in comfortable silence, went out to watch movies or facetimed penny together. when agatha went home to her aunt (or to hang out with her summer friend minty, who lived next door to her aunt), simon read and texted his friends. (they had a groupchat. it was spectacularly messy)

christmas couldn’t come soon enough. on the twenty fourth, he’d go to penny’s house where they’d have their party. agatha would go home, but he’d sleep over. on the twenty fifth, his mom would take off work, come over and they’d have a big christmas celebration with the bunces.

three days before the twenty fourth, baz texted simon his address. “for new years.” he said when simon called him. he sounded embarrassed. simon wondered if he was reddish. he wished he could see that. “just want you… to have it well in advance.”

simon grinned. “well i do now. i’ll save it in my phone and everything.”

baz coughed. “alright then.”

he seemed ready to hang up so simon said, “don’t forget to bring your books so we can exchange them!”

baz said he wouldn’t forget and hung up.

talking about books, simon had one left. it was about two boys becoming friends and slowly falling in love. isaac said it was a classic and was shocked that he hadn’t read it yet. it was prettily written, but simon was just waiting for them to get together. (slow burn, baz would say. it’s called slow burn snow.)

he read until agatha rung his doorbell, asking if he wanted to walk around and look at the lights. when he got home, he read until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. he was so close to finishing and they still hadn’t gotten together.

when he woke up, he immediately started reading again.

it was so good and heartbreaking and beautifully written at the same time. when he got to the last page he wondered if there was something after it. there wasn’t.

he put it down and thought, “damn i wish this was me and baz.”

he immediately tried to take the thought back, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was true. he wished he had grown up with baz and that they’d gotten closer and closer until they kissed under the stars. he wished they were so obviously in love that the people around them knew and pushed them together.

he wished for them.

he realized that he might not be as straight as he thought.

also that he had to see baz.

without thinking, he got dressed, grabbed his wallet and ran downstairs. his mom was gone, so he left a note and rushed out. he walked until he got to the train station and bought a ticket. it was only when he was on the train that he realized he left his phone behind.

oh well, he’d deal with that later. all he could think about now was baz. baz wearing a soft jumper and smiling at him next to a christmas tree. kissing baz’s lips, running his hands through his hair, nipping his neck. none of these were new thoughts, but he didn’t need to think about his thickness right now. he’d reconcile with that later.

if he had missed years of them being friends, how he would miss years of them being together.

of course, that depended on baz. if baz rejected him... no he couldn’t think about that. baz might not be ready to do anything yet, after all he had spent most of the year hating simon, but maybe they could give it a try. maybe he could take baz on a date.

his stomach fluttered and warmed at that thought.

definitely not straight.

finally, the train stopped near baz’s house (he had memorized his address) and he jumped out. he got a taxi and climbed into the back seat. he shook uncontrollably, mostly with nerves, and stared out the window. soon he’d be able to say the words bubbling in his head.

the taxi stopped. “this isn’t my destination.” he said.

the taxi driver looked back. “the road is too small and slick past this. get out and walk.”

simon frowned and climbed out. “alright.” he said and watched it drive away. he hadn’t dressed incredibly warm, but he figured this was worth it. besides, he didn’t really have much of a choice anymore. he was stranded. baz’s house was the nearest haven.

he got to walking.


	5. Chapter 5

**baz**

baz was playing his violin and trying to drown out his parents words playing repeatedly in his head.

it wasn’t working.

at lunch, his father had mentioned a girl from the club who was newly single and asked baz if he wanted to date her. baz had said no, of course not, he was gay. his father had frowned and said, how do you know? baz had just stared at him incredulously.

“how do i know?” he repeated.

“how do you know? it’s not like you’ve kissed a girl. or boy for that matter.”

baz had just gaped at him. “are you from the 19th century? people can figure out their sexuality without kissing people.”

his mother had just frowned. “don’t be rude baz. your father brings up valid points.”

“does he?” baz muttered under his breath.

his mother ignored him. “if you haven’t kissed a boy, the only thing informing your preference is the media telling you that it’s acceptable and cool to be gay. that’s why we banned homosexual fiction in schools. they are far too sinful and congratulatory. of course, davy will probably try to repeal that. i swear, that man is determined to leave me with no legacy.”

baz had wanted to die.

now he was playing loud and fast and trying to think about the next day. he was going to be far from here, in the warm glow of simon and penny and even agatha. (penny had made a groupchat after learning about their invitation to new years and it was the best and worst thing ever. he would have never guessed they’d all get along so well, but penny was currently discussing american culture with dev who was obsessed with american shows.) he mostly missed snow though. he slept worse when he wasn’t listening to the other boys breathing.

“baz?” mordelia said, peaking into the library. she was only six, but was already reading and talking like a master. “someone is here for you.”

baz frowned and put his violin down. niall and dev would have texted.

he checked his phone. well, maybe they had mentioned it in the groupchat. he had fifty two notifications.

“okay.”

he followed her to the mud room and found simon covered in mud and snow and shivering.

“sn–simon?” he said.

simon noticed him and smiled. “ba…baz!”

“you look cold.” he didn’t let simon respond. “what are you doing here?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

simon chewed on his cheek. “i had to see you.”

baz’s stomach did a leap. he didn’t want to misinterpret that but… well it sounded rather gay. he enjoyed gay. he wanted gay. he wanted simon to say gay to him and… he shook his head and looked back at simon.

“let’s get you warmed up. then we can talk?”

simon nodded enthusiastically and followed him through the house.

baz made him take a shower and gave him some of his clothes. he then, not so patiently, waited for him in his room.

they had an ensuite back at watford, so he had been this close to simon showering before, but it felt different. this was his shower and he was waiting outside to hear what simon had to say. it was nerve racking.

“baz?” simon called, turning off the water.

baz perked up. “yeah?”

simon poked his head out and his neck was bare. baz couldn’t see much else but that brought red to his face. “you forgot to give me pants and mine are soaked.”

baz couldn’t get redder. “right.”

he got some from his dresser and slipped them through the door. “have fun.”

why did he say that? that was so weird and awkward.

simon eventually came out smelling like a combination of baz’s soap and his natural woodsy scent. he looked gorgeous in baz’s clothing. he had cuffed his jeans so they fit and his jumper’s sleeves were rolled up.

baz wanted to push him against the door and lick him.

“right so… well can we sit?”

baz gestured to the bed. simon went red but complied. baz sat next to him and stared forwards. he had no clue what this could be about. he assumed it was something good, but it could just as well be bad.

“i… i have…” simon turned slightly towards him so baz did the same. “can you close your eyes?” he asked.

baz raised an eyebrow. “okay.”

he turned back and closed his eyes.

“i realized that… nope. i think we need to blind fold you.”

“kinky.” baz said because he hated himself and had no filter when it came to his simon.

simon blushed and found a long sock to tie around baz’s head. it did feel really kinky, if he was being honest. if simon started sucking his dick, he would be happily unsurprised.

“i realized that i have a crush on you. a largish crush. i think i’ve had one for quite a while now, but i just figured it out.” simon said quickly.

baz tried to pull down his blindfold but simon put a hand on him to stop him.

“you don’t have to, like, feel the same but i couldn’t keep it in. i hope this doesn’t ruin–“ baz surged forwards to kiss him.

sadly, he had no clue where simon was and ended up kissing the air.

simon laughed and pulled off the blindfold. his hands held baz’s face. their faces were so close together, baz could count how many eyelashes he had. baz leaned forwards and simon’s lips met his.

it was a soft kiss. then simon dug his fingers into baz’s hair. baz couldn’t help but open his mouth and moan. simon took this as an invitation to slip his tongue into baz’s mouth.

he was finally kissing simon and simon was happily reciprocating. simon was more than reciprocating, he was leading. he was also making beautiful noises as baz played with his hair and sucked on his bottom lip.

they fit together perfectly. baz could die of happiness.

they kissed until he couldn’t breath.

“i feel the same.” he said, resting his forehead on snow’s. “i’ve felt the same for far too long.”

simon breathed a laugh. “i wish i’d known. we could have been doing this for longer.”

then they were kissing again and simon had one hand in his hair, the other wrapped around his waist. baz felt secure from the world. he never wanted to leave.

eventually they fell into the bed and snuggled against each other. “it’s only three in the afternoon.” baz murmured into simon’s neck.

“today’s felt like a life time.” simon replied.

baz couldn’t argue with that. just hours ago, his parents had been criticizing simon’s dad and spewing homophobia.

oh fuck.

he sat up and scooted away from simon.

“baz?” simon asked, sitting up as well. “what’s wrong?”

baz didn’t know how to say it. he turned towards simon and he did the same. “my parents.” he said. “i don’t want them… they can’t… they are really homophobic.”

“oh.” simon stroked his cheek. baz leaned into his hand. “baz i’m so sorry, that’s horrible.”

baz swallowed. “right. so they can’t see you.”

simon nodded grimly. “i should probably leave then.”

his eyes widened. he didn’t want simon to leave. he wanted them to spend the rest of the day cozy in his bed, talking nonsense and kissing. “no! i mean you should but…”

“you don’t want me too,” simon smirked. “i get it.” then kissed him.

baz kissed him back for a minute then pulled away. “how about we go to town? then we can drive to bunce’s early.”

simon nodded. “that sounds good. i don’t have much money though.”

baz brushed this off. “i have enough. can you text bunce our plan?”

simon looked to the side. “i didn’t grab my phone.”

“what?”

“i… i was in a rush.” he looked up at him.

oh. baz wanted to tear up. simon must have realized that morning and rushed to him. that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him.

“i see. i’ll text her. we should just drive to your home to get your phone. you didn’t get any other clothes either, did you.”

simon rubbed the back of his neck. “yeah… i guess i didn’t think things through enough.”

baz reached out and stroked his cheek. “i love that about you.”

they both went very still. baz wanted to melt away. simon had just figured out his feelings and now he’d be scared away. their holiday would be ruined, christmas would forever be the day he ruined the best thing that could have happened to him.

then simon smirked and kissed his hand. “i love how smart and organized you are.”

baz had to kiss him for that.

an hour later he was packed and ready to go. they snuck out of his house, barely avoiding getting caught by his dad, then drove away in his car. he let simon take over the music while he focused on the road. that was a bad idea. simon listened to ridiculous pop that he insisted on scream singing along with.

baz joined after a little bit of coaxing and, “i love your singing voice,”

it took them a couple hours to get to simon’s house. it was small but neat looking. the garden looked well taken care of, despite being barren from winter. simon let them in with a spare key and casually gave baz a tour.

“that’s where my father broke his foot after kicking the wall.” he said, pointing to a light green colored corner. “that’s where i took my first steps,” he pointed to the stairs. “that’s where i lost my first tooth sliding down the banister.”

he kept on casually mentioning stories baz had never heard of. it made the house feel very lived in. it made baz want to learn everything about snow.

“this is where penny told me about conjunctions.” simon said, taking them into his room. he was looking at a random spot on the floor.

baz couldn’t help himself. “that one is a lie.”

simon looked up, his face bright. “yeah i was just messing with you. now help me pack?”

baz complied, following simon’s directions and taking in his room. it didn’t seem like more than a guest room. the walls were white, a contrast to the colorful house. they were also bare, save a photo of penny and simon and agatha at age 13. it was large and framed. there was also a desk covered in dust, a cozy looking chair and a messy bed. baz couldn’t see any of simon in here.

“my dad took it all down one summer in a rage.” simon said quietly, standing behind him. “it used to be covered in photos and posters and drawings. so much that you barely noticed the white. he destroyed it while i was with agatha. i think he felt guilty about it. he never apologized. i didn’t feel like fixing it after that.”

baz didn’t know what to say. he didn’t know much about simon’s father, he barely talked about him, except for gossip. “that sounds horrible.”

simon shrugged and moved away. “it’s not like i spend much time in here. our room is more of a home then this place is.”

baz didn’t know what to say. he felt the same though. he hoped simon knew that.

he changed the subject. “what was your favorite of the books?”

simon looked up. he was squishing shirts into a duffel. “what books?”

baz held one up. “the books you just read, dummy.”

simon smiled. “um, the ‘girl accidentally murders someone with magic and covers up his death with her friends’ book was pretty good. the book isaac said was iconic… that’s the one that gave me my realization.”

baz smirked. “i love this book.”

simon moved over to him. “who do you think you are in the relationship?”

baz pondered this. “both i think. the narrator and i share cynicism. the love interest has a crush on the narrator for longer though, which i relate to.”

they met eyes and simon kissed him gently. “i think you are the love interest. i took too fucking long to kiss you.”

baz kissed him again and tried to convey words into it. i love you i love you i love you.

bunce’s mother was not pleased at their arrival.

she stood outside bunce’s house, arms crossed, eyebrows raised. she looked very much like her daughter, except her hair was all the way black, her glasses were more sophisticated and she was wearing work out clothing.

bunce stood next to her, arms in the exact same position. baz wondered if they knew they were carbon copies of each other.

probably not.

he stopped the car in front of their house and smiled at them uncertainly.

“hullo penny, mrs. bunce,” simon said, jumping out of the car.

bunce hugged him and turned back to baz. he feared he was going to be yelled at.

“simon, go talk to mum. she has to go over the rules.” bunce said.

simon pouted comically. “ah damn i know them though.”

mrs. bunce looked him over. “yet we still lost two of our best china last christmas.”

he slouched and followed her inside.

bunce stayed outside his window. “i’m getting in and we’re going driving.” she said then did promptly that.

baz drove and turned down the ridiculous pop simon had been singing.

“so he finally realized.” bunce said.

baz swallowed. “oh. yeah.”

she made a hmph noise. “i respect you as a student and a peer, basilton, but if you hurt a single hair on his head–“

baz restrained himself from accelerating too much. “i know, i know.”

bunce turned towards him. he glanced at her, then back at the road. she looked intense and scary.

“no. this is not a normal best friend talk. simon is not just the schools golden boy who would be sad for a bit if his heart was broken. he’s been through a lot-“

“i know bunce.”

she made a face. “do you? has he told you about his father?”

baz regretted interrupting her. “i’ve heard about him but…”

“did you know that before our first year his father locked him in his room for three days when his mother had a sick spell? or that he used to tell him no one would love him after he had meltdowns.” she sounded bitter now and possibly close to tears. “fifth year, he didn’t acknowledge him all summer and wouldn’t let him go anywhere. his mother was too scared to do anything about it, so simon sat in that house alone and didn’t talk to anyone for months.” she was definitely crying now, but she kept on going. “he tried to keep him from contacting me for years. he didn’t have a phone till last year because of it. i could go on, but i don’t think i need to.” she took a deep breath. “i’m worried about him. he’s so used to his father being cruel to him and to his mother, that i’m worried he’s going to fold into himself when you start dating.”

baz pulled over and parked the car. he looked at bunce. “i’m worried too.” he said. “i love him. i don’t want to hurt him.”

bunce nodded. she still had that piercing stare. “good. just keep remembering that.”

he handed her a monogrammed handkerchief. she wiped her eyes as he turned the car around and drove back to her place. “i think you’ll be good for him, baz. i just needed to say that to you before things got serious.”

he nodded and changed lanes. “i know. you’re a good friend.” he stopped at a red light. “how long have you known?”

bunce snorted. “years. i suspected simon would figure it out this year though, after he started reading your books.”

baz smiled. “good thing he thought i was plotting, right?”

bunce agreed.

she played an italian artist he was obsessed with and they sat in comfortable silence till the end of their drive.

when they got to her house, simon was waiting on the doorstep for them. he took in bunce’s red eyes and baz’s slight smile. he smartly chose not to say anything, instead slung his arms around them and pulled them inside.

the bunce’s house was chaotic. it was decent sized, four bedrooms and largish common spaces, but they were crammed with objects and people. younger siblings were everywhere. one sat in front of the tv, another read on the stairs and one was cooking something. they barely were taller then the counter and yet they were whisking eggs like a master.

the walls were covered in odd art, family pictures, old children’s drawings and books. almost every wall had a bookshelf shoved with books.

no wonder they hated simon, he was a klutz.

a cute klutz, though.

bunce guided them up the stairs and into her bedroom. it was covered in maps, posters, book shelves and pictures of her friends. her room looked like her personality, warm, loud and nerdy. the floor was mostly covered by furniture, including a trundle bed.

“simon normally sleeps on the trundle on the 24th, but since he brought a guest,” she made a silly face at baz, “you two can share my bed and i’ll take the trundle. if you try to mess around though, i’ll sleep in the same bed as simon.”

simon just grinned and flopped onto the bed. “baaaaz.” he sung. “come down here.”

baz sat on the bed and stared at simon. his simon. beautiful curls, plain blue eyes, freckles to rival the night sky, that beautiful lazy grin.

“get a room.” bunce said in disgust. “but please don’t. my mother forbids anyone from having sex in this house.”

simon sat up quickly. “because of premal’s incident?”

bunce nodded tersely.

“what happened?”

simon seemed excited to tell the story. “her parents said they were taking the kids out for a camping trip and premal said he’d stay at a friends house. instead he brought his boyfriend over to have…” simon blushed. “to do it. it rained so they came back. premal hid them half naked under the couch and they were only caught because pen dropped her ring from gesturing too much.”

“it was disgusting.” she spit, but she seemed good spirited. “not only did i find them half naked, but i learned they were going to do it on the couch.”

“that reminds me of this scene in parasite.” baz snorted. “except a lot more teenager and less dangerous.”

bunce nodded vigorously and simon just looked confused.

“don’t tell me you’ve never seen parasite?” baz asked incredulously. “it won the oscar.”

simon shrugged. “that’s an american thing.”

baz shook his head in disbelief. “we can watch it tonight.”

after dinner they cozied up on the trundle bed, their backs against bunce’s bed and watched the movie on her laptop. “oh damn i wasn’t expecting to have to read subtitles.” simon whispered into baz’s neck.

he shivered. “they aren’t that inconvenient.”

simon smiled against baz’s skin. it gave him goose bumps. “they are when i’d rather be kissing you.”

bunce slapped them and told them to focus. baz could tell she was happy for them.

he was happy for them, as he grabbed simon’s hand and snuggled close to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**simon**

simon woke up on the twenty fifth, feeling wrong.

the last day had been a blur of joy. his favorite people in the world gathered together to open presents, make gingerbread and laugh. he had kissed baz senseless behind penny’s tree. they had walked around the neighborhood, breathing out clouds of air and looking for rocks for a rock band. it had been magical.

now, in the harsh morning light, it felt like a distant dream.

the present was unpleasant. he was alone in his bed, his head hurt from reading an entire book that night and his stomach felt unsettled. he didn’t understand why.

then he realized, it was because the house was deadly silent.

penny’s house was loud. that was it’s very nature. there were always enough people in it to have a constant hum of conversation in the background. someone was always awake, at all times of night. that wasn’t true now.

he rubbed his eyes and sat up.

oh. no wonder. he wasn’t at penny’s house.

he swallowed and looked around. he was lying on a mattress on the floor in an almost empty room. thin curtains were pulled over the windows and gray light filtered in. besides that, there was nothing around him. he pulled himself up and shivered as his bare feet touched the ground. he wondered, for a brief second, if he had sleep walked here.

the door was unlocked, so he stepped out into the hall. it was more of the same. undecorated and unappealing to the eye. he continued down the hall, trying each doorknob. they were all locked.

that’s sinister, he shivered.

at the end of the hall was a dingy kitchen, connected to a small living room. two men sat at kitchen table, staring at each other.

it took him a hot second to recognize the first man. he looked bedraggled, his hair sticking up wildly and he was wearing dirty sweats. but he had that identifying mustache (which agatha and penny absolutely hated and he quietly envied) and that blazing stare.

his father.

the other man, well he was much more of a boy. his hair looked like it had been shaved a month before and was just starting to grow back, he was too thin and he wore threadbare clothes. in his hand he clutched a red ball.

the boy looked at him with a child’s curiosity. simon swallowed, the boy looked almost exactly as he had at that age.

“da… dad?” he stuttered, looking at the leader of the parliamentary house.

davy looked up and frowned. “simon. come meet your brother.”

simon didn’t move. he couldn’t breath. he wasn’t supposed to wake up in a dirty apartment and meet an unknown brother. he was supposed to be opening more gifts with penny and spending quality time with his mother.

his mother…

“is he… are we full brothers?” he asked in a quiet voice.

davy looked boredly disappointed in him. “does that matter?”

simon decided, in that moment, that he was in control of his story.

he had agency, so he would change his narrative.

he would not just be the broken son, the angry enemy, the indifferent boyfriend. he was the love interest, the friend, the older brother. he was not going to put up with his fathers shit ever again.

“did you cheat on her? why have i never met him? did you… you kidnapped me.” he stared at the man before him. davy hadn’t flinched or looked uncomfortable. he seemed instead, rather sad.

“simon, my boy, you should calm down. we don’t want you going off again.”

simon ignored him and turned towards his brother. “are you okay?” he whispered to the boy. “does… are people okay to you?”

the boy, his brother, looked at him impassively. “he told me i must be everything you’ve left behind. i must accomplish all that you cannot.”

simon clenched his teeth together. his brother couldn’t have been older than twelve and yet he had to deal with davy by himself. he didn’t have a penny or a warm mother or a watford boarding. he just had davy in dirty sweats and a fluorescent kitchen.

simon found his anger. it was always bubbling up inside of him, waiting to be released. he had spent years holding it in as his father yelled at his mom. then he’d redirect it at baz. he wouldn’t stop himself this time.

simon turned to his father and gave him a hard stare. “you are a shit person and i’m not sorry for anything.” he said, then he punched him straight in the face.

simon and his brother watched their father fall to the ground. when he didn’t move, simon looked away and never looked back. instead he stared at the thin boy in front of him. “it’s going to be okay.” he whispered and opened up his arms. the boy eyed him, then hugged him back.

simon lifted him up and ran.

they were in london, it seemed, and he had nothing but a clingy boy and bare feet. he thought about hailing a cab, but didn’t know how he’d pay them. so instead he decided to wander around asking to borrow someone’s phone.

he was pretty sure he had memorized penny’s number. he was certain he knew the schools number and agatha’s aunt’s house number, both which seemed unhelpful. either way, no one seemed keen to give the odd looking teenager holding a child a cell phone.

he didn’t know what to do.

“sir?” a kind voice asked. he looked up. a woman with blonde hair and a sweet smile was standing in the open doorway of a diner. “do you need some help?”

he nodded and followed her into the warmth.

“i’m ebb,” she said, seating him at a table. the diner was bustling, but she ignored it all for him. “you seem like you need a bowl of soup and some shoes.” right, he was still bare foot.

“and a phone.” he said. “i need to call my friends.”

she nodded and walked away.

he looked around.

the heater was on full blast and jingle bells was playing. the diner was crammed, the amount of tables to square feet should have been impossible. no one seemed to mind, though. waiters hustled around in elf hats and customers laughed and talked loudly. even his table was stuffed, a line of goat figurines divided his table in half and the left end sagged with condiments.

“here ya go,” ebb said, placing two bowls of soup on the table. she sat down across from him. “can i?” she asked, holding out her arms.

it took him a second to get it; she wanted to hold his brother.

“uh sure.” he said and let him go. the boy ran over and climbed onto ebb’s lap. she wrapped her arms around him casually and smiled at simon.

“merry christmas.”

“oh. er, merry christmas.”

a man came over to their table. he looked exactly like ebb, except more sleazy and masculine. he was holding a pair of tennis shoes and a phone. “you asked for these?”

simon took them and placed the shoes on the floor. he opened the phone and tried to remember penny’s number.

he had no such luck.

so he called agatha’s aunts house.

he listened to it dial as ebb smiled at him and the man raised an eyebrow. after a minute of beeping, it went to voicemail. “you’ve reached eliza wellbelove, if you want–“

he hung up and tried the school’s number. this was even more of a stretch, they were on break.

yet, it picked up after three rings.

“hullo?” an unfamiliar voice said.

“hullo this is simon salisbury? i go to watford boarding.” at this, the standing man made a hmm noise.

“what can i do for you, mr. salisbury?”

he picked at his pants. “er i’m lost in london and i can’t remember any phone numbers. i was er wondering if you could give me penelope bunce’s number? or baz pitch?” the man made an even louder noise and walked away.

the lady on the other side hummed. “i suppose i could. give me a minute.”

simon held the phone away from his ear. “thank you, miss ebb, i don’t know what i would have-“

she waved him off. “stop it. it’s christmas! if you aren’t feeding and helping shoeless boys carrying children on christmas, you are doing it wrong.” she smiled brightly.

simon tried to reciprocate.

“alright, let me read you penelope bunce’s number,” the lady said.

simon grinned and thumbs upped. then he realized she couldn’t see it and made an affirming noise.

the blonde man was back, a scary looking woman with dark hair and a white streak following him.

“078–“

“oi simon!” the scary woman said.

he looked up at her and squinted. she looked oddly familiar.

“–364–“

“you’re baz’s roommate,” she said with a friendly sneer. “i was just about to head to the manor.”

“–39.”

“how do you know him?” he asked, forgetting about the call next to his ear.

the woman grinned, making her look even more dangerous. “i’m his aunt, of course.”

the ride to baz’s place was awkward.

for one, his younger brother was asleep in the backseat. simon didn’t even know his name, he hadn’t said a word since they’d left davy’s place, but he couldn’t help but feel warm every time he looked at him. here was someone who knew how he felt, who could share his world with him.

mainly though, it was just weird being with baz’s aunt.

“so, you’re the roommate.” she said with another grin. he was beginning of think of it as her shark grin. all teeth and threats of violence.

“er uh yes.” he stumbled. “we’ve made up.”

she glanced at him and turned onto a larger road. “oh i know.”

simon swallowed and wondered what that could possibly mean.

this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. in the books, meeting your significant other’s family (though he wasn’t sure if they were boyfriends yet. they had to be, right?) was supposed to be dinner, impressing conversations and hands held under the table. they weren’t supposed to be rides to hampshire after being kidnapped.

(was it kidnapping if it was your own father? he wasn’t sure how it had even happened. maybe the bunce’s had given him up or he had sleep walked to his father.)

“er could i text baz?” he asked finally.

she nodded her head to the side. “phones in the console.”

her home screen was baz playing the violin. he looked peaceful and concentrated. simon felt his stomach flutter.

“password is 022497.”

“is that–“

“do you want to get there in one piece?”

simon nodded but muttered under his breath, “you’re pretty soft.”

he opened the phone and called baz.

“fi? is everything okay?” baz asked. his voice was shaking a little. simon wanted to reach through the phone and hold him tight.

“baz! this is simon!”

“snow?!” baz yelled. someone in the background yelled his name as well.

penny, simon thought, his chest warming to the thought.

“are you okay?” baz asked, his voice low. “bunce said she woke up and you were gone. we were so…” he trailed off and cleared his throat. “how did you get fiona’s phone?”

simon chuckled humorlessly. “long story, but we’re on our way to the pitch manor.”

baz hummed. “good. simon…”

“yes?”

“i was so scared.”

simon swallowed and tried not to cry. “i was too.”

“don’t ever leave me again,” baz said and he was definitely crying. “or i’m going to hunt you down and handcuff you to me.”

“alright, yeah, that sounds good.”

baz laughed and simon felt whole again. he ached to be at his side, baz’s arms wrapped around him, his head on baz’s shoulder, their bodies becoming one.

“i’m going to go now.” baz whispered. “don’t die.”

simon tried to laugh. “i’ll make no promises.”

when they got to pitch manor, there was a small crowd waiting for him.

penny looked ready to set something on fire and was still wearing her cupcake pajamas. agatha looked tired and was leaning against pen. baz looked like he had been crying but was now stoic, his eyes tracing the car as it pulled up.

behind them, were baz’s parents.

simon had never met either of the pitches. he had heard about natasha pitch for years from his fathers rants about her horrible policies. she was an elitist, a proponent of less taxes for the rich and refused to work with the opposition party.

her husband, malcolm, was even more unknown. according to agatha, he was a farmer of some sorts and the type of father who barely talked to his kids. simon could relate.

now, they were standing behind baz looking bored and emotionless.

simon tried to ignore them and leapt out of the car.

“penelope! aggie! baz!” he cried and ran towards them. they cocooned him in a hug and he sobbed into their arms. it had been less then twenty four hours since he last saw them, but it felt like years.

he felt years older. he was an older brother now. he had knocked his father unconscious.

the party should really find a better leader, he thought.

“mr. salisbury.” natasha pitch said from behind him. his friends released their hold warily, but stayed by his side. “care to explain what happened to you?”

simon wondered how much she knew. he had no clue how she could know anything about the kidnapping, he hadn’t told fiona or even his friends. he hadn’t told anyone.

“i was kidnapped.” he said with a frown. he glanced at baz. he was stone faced. “but you know more than me, don’t you?”

natasha’s face didn’t change.

“what do you think happened?” he asked, his voice growing louder. “who took me? how did they take me?”

it was malcolm who spoke. “davy mage did. that son of a bitch should be arrested.”

natasha sighed. she pushed her husband back and stepped towards him.

she looked tired. “listen to me, salisbury. he wasn’t supposed to kidnap you. we told him where you were so he could talk some sense into you. neither of us want a relationship between the two of you–“

behind them, fiona scoffed. simon turned to her.

she was holding the little boy in her arms. she looked angry.

“nat, i used to look up to you.” she said, her voice riddled with disgust. “but i don’t know who you’ve become. you don’t deserve basilton. i propose you check yourself before he decides to never see you again.”

simon grabbed baz’s hand and squeezed. penny grabbed his other hand and agatha grabbed baz’s.

“fiona,“ natasha said, her voice hardened. “don’t you dare tell me how to deal with my son. you couldn’t possibly understand.”

fiona laughed. it was cold and empty. simon thought it was one of the scariest things he had ever heard. “what i understand, is that you told your son that he can’t be gay, that it’s a sin. you shouldn’t be a mother if you are going to say things like that.”

baz’s grip was tightening in simon’s.

“you don’t know ANYTHING.” natasha yelled. “you cannot speak for basilton. he’s MY son, not yours. you don’t know him.”

“she’s right, mum.” baz said quietly. his friends closed in around him, like a barrier. “you make me feel like... there’s something wrong with me.” he glared up at her. “there isn’t. there isn’t anything wrong with me.” his voice was shaking. simon pulled his arm around him, silently trying to send him strength.

natasha didn’t say anything. malcolm opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

baz just scoffed and turned towards fiona. “let’s go. it’s christmas.”

they piled into the car, simon’s brother sitting on penny’s lap and simon squeezing between baz and agatha.

baz didn’t look back as they drove away from his childhood home.

“are you okay?” he whispered.

“i think i will be soon.” baz whispered back.

they never let go of each other.


	7. Chapter 7

**baz**

“simon wants to know if you’ve finished the books.” wellbelove said from her bed.

she was already dressed up for the party, in a red slip dress, bright red lipstick, gold eyeshadow and five inch heels. she was staring at her phone, as if he wasn’t even there.

“of course he does,” baz laughed, pulling on a tie. “he’s ridiculous.”

wellbelove made a noncommittal noise. “what should i tell him?”

baz stared at himself in the mirror. he looked like a completely different person then the boy who had last worn this suit. his hair was falling around his face (simon liked it better that way), his face was softer and he was smiling. he didn’t even know when he had started smiling, it hadn’t be a conscious thing, he was just happy.

he rather liked this baz.

“tell him we’ll be together in an hour. i can tell him then.”

wellbelove typed quickly then giggled. “simon is getting pissed off.”

baz glanced over her phone. simon was just sending strings of keyboard smashes.

“fine. i finished them. even the greek tragedy he got me for christmas.”

wellbelove nodded and typed that out. “see wasn’t that hard.” she looked up at him and grinned. “you look dashing, baz.”

he did a little spin for her, then recalled her words.

“dashing? what are you, eighty?”

she rolled her eyes and fell back onto the bed. “i’m not an allosexual, i can’t say things like handsome, because what if you aren’t?”

baz laughed and threw a pillow at her. “stop it, belove.”

she just giggled and pulled him to the bed. he lay next to her, staring at her star covered ceiling.

after christmas’s events, mitali bunce took over.

simon’s brother, hughie, went with fiona to ebbs, baz went to wellbelove’s aunt’s house and simon stayed with bunce. mrs. bunce said she separated the couple because she didn’t need that many people in her house and because bunce refused to leave simon, but baz secretly thought she didn’t want them together so they could mess around.

he was also shocked at simon’s brother’s assignment, but ebb seemed like a kind woman and simon’s mother wasn’t emotionally available. (apparently davy had lied to her and said her son died in child birth. simon hoped she eventually would take in her son, but at the moment she couldn’t be around him without hyperventilating.)

they had learned that davy had been arrested. things weren’t looking good for him, either. the bunce’s security cameras had picked him up climbing through bunce’s bedroom window and then climbing down with simon. the police said it was pretty incriminating.

baz was glad. he never wanted to lose simon again.

sadly, his parents couldn’t be connected to the crime. the only evidence they had was their lack of denying it, and the fact they were tracking his phone. neither would hold up in court.

fiona wanted to start custody procedures, but he didn’t think they’d turn out well. dev’s mum told him he could always stay with them. his parents didn’t seem eager to get him back, so he’d probably take their offer.

he was happy. he couldn’t remember the last time he was happy, but lying next to wellbelove, dreaming of their new years party, he was filled with joy.

wellbelove squeezed his hand. “we should probably check on auntie. i’m not sure if she got enough cheese or scones.”

he squeezed her hand back. “heaven forbid we don’t have enough scones!”

they laughed and padded down the stairs.

agatha’s aunt’s house was prettily decorated with gold and silver tinsel and a table overflowing with food. there was a chocolate fountain, two platters of cheese, baguettes and soft rolls, and of course scones. baz eyed the champagne bottles. there seemed to be enough to steal one later for their drunken roof escape.

wellbelove pulled him into the living room. the furniture had been pushed aside to create a dance floor. she spun around, her dress billowing a bit.

“tonight’s going to be a dream.” she said.

he agreed.

simon looked dashing in grey.

he stood at the door, fiddling with his tie, in a magnificent grey suit. baz was pretty sure fiona had gotten it for him. despite her hard exterior and sneers, she loved simon. she also loved baz, something he had always known, but never the extent to which she did. after they escaped, she had told him that she’d do anything for him.

he didn’t doubt her.

“hullo.” he said coolly, opening the door. bunce and simon looked at him and smiled. behind them, straggled the bunce family.

“hullo yourself.” simon said and pulled him into a kiss.

bunce groaned. she had dyed the bottom of her hair white and was wearing a turtle necked, sleeveless black dress.

“bunce,” he said, bowing. “elegant as ever.”

she shoved him then hugged him tightly. “i missed you too, basil.”

he grinned and let them inside.

he stayed at the door to greet their party goers. the bunce family, fiona and her boyfriend nico, ebb and hughie, isaac the librarian, niall and dev and their families, wellbelove’s neighbor minty and even some of the football boys and simon’s random friends.

when he was about to close the door and join the party, a dirty grey dacia logan pulled up to the house.

a woman stepped out. she had long blonde hair and a familiar face. simon’s mum, he thought.

“hullo.” he said, holding open the door. “you must be lucy salisbury. nice to meet you, ma’am.”

she smiled and it was so familiar. “hullo baz. i’ve heard a lot about you.”

simon had told baz that they were calling every night. he was glad simon had one parent who loved him. maybe she couldn’t always be there for him, but hopefully with time she’d get better. she had also been through traumatic things.

“you look beautiful,” he said with a smile and offered his arm.

she took it and looked up at him with her simon like smile. “he’s lucky to have you.” she whispered. “and i’m lucky to have him.”

baz understood.

midnight was drawing near and baz was watching simon dance.

he was a beautiful mess. he didn’t seem to know how to use his hands or how to avoid stepping on people, but everyone was laughing and jumping up and down.

“why don’t you join them?” hughie asked him from his lap.

the little boy was dressed in a red button up and slacks. he looked clean and well fed, though he was still stick thin.

“i like watching.” he told the boy and readjusted him on his lap. “why aren’t you dancing?”

hughie settled against his chest. “same.”

simon spotted them and danced over, his plain blue eyes bright. “baaaz.” he crowed. “come daaance with me.”

baz placed the boy on the seat next to him. “as much as i’d like to, it’s almost midnight. that means we need to sneak up to the roof.”

simon grabbed his hand and spun him around. “just one dance, basilton.” he said, with a pout.

baz couldn’t deny him anything.

“fiona! put on a slow song!” he yelled. his aunt flicked him off, but went to change the music.

“can i have this dance?” he asked, holding out his hand.

simon blushed and slung his arms around his neck. “only because i really really like you.” he whispered. baz could barely hear him, even with the soft music playing. “but don’t expect to come out of this with all of your toes.”

baz kissed him quickly, then pulled away. “i wouldn’t expect anything else from you.”

they swayed to the beat. he could imagine them doing this at their leavers ball, in a years time. or at their wedding, years away. he could even see them at eighty, dancing in a bright kitchen.

he was getting ahead of himself. he just couldn’t believe they were here now.

“did you really finish all of your books?” simon asked suddenly.

baz snorted. “do you take me for a liar?”

simon shrugged and kissed his nose. “no no, i guess not.”

baz pulled him closer. “why?”

simon smiled against his cheek. “i just want to discuss the thriller. the one about the girl who’s dad died?”

baz groaned. “that one destroyed me. i was yelling at her in the end. i know it all worked out but… she really made some bad choices.”

simon nodded. “i thought their romance was cute. i didn’t expect the twist.”

baz played with his boyfriends hair. “i did. i’m just that smart, i guess.”

simon laughed and kissed him. “we should go to the roof. there’s five minutes till midnight.”

baz sighed and let him go. “i’ll get bunce and wellbelove. you get dev and niall.”

simon made a face. “they scare me. i can never tell when they are joking or not.”

baz laughed. “you’ll learn with time.”

simon widened his eyes. he wondered if he’d crossed a line. they hadn’t really talked about their future, they hadn’t barely been dating for two week, but simon had seemed all in. maybe he had been wrong.

“yeah i guess i will.” simon sighed, but his eyes were twinkling. “it’ll probably take years though. i guess we’ll have to date for awhile.”

baz smirked and pushed him away. “go! we want to have plenty of time up there!”

bunce and wellbelove seemed drunk already. they were yelling compliments at each other. he grabbed their hands and pulled them behind him. “get a bottle of champagne.” he told bunce as they passed the table.

she did and they walked outside.

simon was standing next to the ladder wellbelove had left out earlier. his arms were crossed and he looked uncomfortable. next to him, dev and niall were making out sloppily.

“i will never be able to meet their eyes again.” he told baz and started up the ladder.

it was hard getting four drunk teens and a bottle of champagne up the rings, but they managed. “a minute till midnight,” simon said, squeezing next to him. their feet dangled off the edge.

baz smiled and stared up at the sky. someone in the distance was setting off fireworks. the stars seemed brighter then ever. he grabbed simon’s hand and squeezed.

“ten! nine! eight! seven! six! five! four!” yelled the people downstairs.

baz placed his chin on simon’s shoulder. “three! two! one!”

“happy new ye-“ simon kissed him.

he would never get sick of simon’s kisses. his boyfriend put everything into them. when they kissed, it was his entire world. he couldn’t imagine a life outside of simon’s lips and his delicate gasps. they kissed until simon pulled away, out of breath.

“i love you.” simon whispered, tangling his fingers in baz’s hair.

“i love you too.” baz whispered back.

he was excited for the new year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> books read in the fic  
> \- the poppy war triology (the poppy war, the dragons republic, the burning god)(read by penny): high fantasy china, war, super dark but rlly good!! (also confirmed gay off the page, which isn't my FAV thing)  
> \- red white and royal blue: first son the us is archenemies with a prince of england. except... maybe not  
> \- all for the game series (foxhole court, the raven king, the kings men): honestly simon described it well. demi guy joins a troublesome college sports team for a fake sport, deals with the mafia and falls in love with a hostile boy  
> \- the fell of the dark: lives in a vampire town, sexy vampire he hates and cute ice cream guy. chosen one except chosen to get possessed by a dark thing  
> \- how it all blew up: boy is about to get outed, scared what his muslim parents will say so he escapes to italy and has an adventure, splits between present and past  
> \- here the whole time: cute story about a boy liking his neighbor and staying with him for fifteen days. some cute sapphics in it too! (i mostly did mlm books bc i feel like baz would read mlm)  
> \- aristotle and dante: two boys become friends and take care of each other and fall in love  
> \- when we were magic: friend group of magic users, girl accidentally kills a guy, they each take a body part and have to hide it. it's like?? really good (and sapphics with a gnc character!)  
> \- song of achilles: patroclus and achilles being in love. too sad for me but my sister is obsessed  
> \- the truth about keeping secrets: this one is also pretty dark. this girl loses her father and befriends a former patient of his. kinda a mystery? and a thriller  
> -you asked for perfect: good jewish rep!! (i say as a jew) boy is super competitive for first spot at his school, gets to be too much for him, cute mlm


	8. extra content: the groupchat

**extra**

**bazzy: Happy New Queer!!!!!!**

**pen: shut up i’m still hung over**

**bazzy: You shouldn’t be looking at your phone then, Bunce.**

**ags: stop <3**

**pen: i’m looking at my phone because it was going off. but i can mute this conversation if i have to**

**niall scares me: you haven’t muted yet?**

**pen: i try to give people the benefit of the doubt before i mute**

**niall scares me: imagine trusting ppl, couldn’t be me**

**dev is baz’s cousin: *nervous laughter* you trust me, right nini?**

**bazzy: Please don’t ever call him Nini again. Please and thank you.**

**pen: basil how are you texting like my dad at eight fifteen am on this fine monday morning**

**bazzy: It’s my one skill.**

**niall scares me: ofc i trust you honey…**

**bazzy: Never call him Honey on this groupchat again!!**

**ags: @simon come get your boy, he has a stick up his ass :0**

**dev is baz’s cousin: simon is passed out under the xmas tree**

**pen: baz!!! i put you in charge of him!!!**

**bazzy: He refused to come upstairs with me. He said, and I repeat, “Tyrannous Basilton Grimm Pitch, you better not remove me from underneath this Christmas tree or I will break up with you.”**

**ags: baz fell asleep on the table next to the chocolate fountain >:)**

**bazzy: You betray me.**

**pen: wait i want to go back to niall not trusting his boyfriend…**

**niall scares me: goddamnit penelope**

**dev is baz’s cousin: thank you penelope, you are a true ally to the gays**

**pen: i have no choice, i’m surrounded by you all**

**ags: penny we can be queer platonic partners :))**

**pen: sadly i am dating a doofus named shepherd from america**

**ags: HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT HIM**

**ags: PENNY**

**ags: WHATS HIS LAST NAME**

**pen: he’s a dumbass who i sadly love, i try to hide him from the public**

**bazzy: Snow told me about him. Here’s a picture from his Instagram**

**dev is baz’s cousin: damn he’s kind of hot**

**niall scares me: THIS IS WHY. THIS IS WHY**

**dev is baz’s cousin: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**ags: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**niall scares me: stop it**

**pen: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**bazzy: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**niall scares me: et tu, brute?**

**bazzy: dev was my cousin first ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**niall scares me: i never want to see that ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ever again**

**ags: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**simon: skjsjdjjf what is happening??**

**niall scares me: oh no keyboard smash boy has arrived**

**simon: jgkgjjgkgjg not you hurting My Feelings**

**bazzy: Good morning, love**

**pen: hey so does anyone want to get something to eat? i was thinking we could get some waffles**

**simon: goooooood morning basilton**

**simon: sjhshdhdh wait why am i underneath a christmas tree**

**simon: AKJSJSHDH BAZ WHY DID YOU LET ME SLEEP HERE**

**simon: dhhsjshhdnsndh i need new friends**

**ags: yeah! let’s get food! ;)**

**dev is baz’s cousin: can i drive?**

**niall: no**

**niall: i don’t want to die so…**

**pen: yeah i think i should drive, but i want to take baz’s car**

**bazzy: Absolutely not.**

**simon: do i not exist SKJSJDJDH am i no one to you all**

**ags: come onnn i’m hungry**

**pen: si, you need to get out from under the tree**

**simon: cant.**

**bazzy: Why not?**

**simon: i’m stuck**

**bazzy: I’m coming, you imbecile.**

**pen: okay i’m grabbing baz’s keys and warming up the car**

**bazzy: PENELOPE**

**dev is baz’s cousin: let her be, bazzers**

**bazzy: I hate it here.**

**ags: yeah same <3**

**pen: okay i’m in the car, everyone hurry their asses up**

**niall scares me: okay coming**

**bazzy: Got Snow, we’re coming.**

**simon: hahahaha**

**bazzy: Niall. Why did you let me date him?**

**niall scares me: i couldn’t stop you, mate**

**ags: okay i’m good to go :))**

**niall scares me: dev?**

**niall scares me: dev???**

**ags: i’m sitting on him, we can go**

penny grinned and gunned the car forwards. “happy new queer.”


End file.
